She’s telling us that her friends haven’t had sex in a while. “How long’s a while?” we ask.

“Four years.”

“Four —” my brain cramps.

“Years. Yeah.”

“Why?” I ask, and mean, would anyone stay. Why would anyone stay? “I mean, are they upset about it or have they agreed?”

“One is upset.”

That is a long time. Four months would be a long time. Frankly, four days is a long time. I know people get busy. Kids. Jobs. School. What else do we do? Recreation. Meals. Illness. Depression. Commutes. There are plenty of impediments that can get in the way. Like, not dating. Not dating can make a sex life trickier. But, if you’re with someone, how long are you willing to forgo sex before you call the relationship?

It gets particularly difficult if you had a huge amount of sex in the beginning of the relationship and then only the rarest sightings afterward. Our trip to Costa Rica sex. Or, that time the power went off sex.

Is it fair to say that sex falls in the Values column? I cannot be in a long-term relationship without an active and healthy sex life. Is that a value? Yes, I believe it is. And I believe that neglect of your sex life is like neglecting conversation or kisses hello. Or kisses in general. When was the last time you made out with your partner? I mean like hardcore teenagers in a car making out? You feed your belly and your brain with sustenance and stimuli. Why not the rest of you as well?

I can be an overly focused person. What color toenail polish is she wearing? When was the last time I brushed her hair? How long has it been since I wrote her a letter? There are steps toward and away from one another. Don’t count them. The count doesn’t matter. Do you want to cross to her, or don’t you?