Monthly Archives: November 2010

Secrets

1. The apartment is nearly packed. I’ve lived here for 4 years and 10 months — longer than any other place in my life.

2. We are supposed to sign the closing documents today.

3. Last night, on the porch, I burned all of my … Read more

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Overheard

Small boy, playing with Lego, monologues, “I thought you were dead!”

“No. I’m alive!”

“But you were in two pieces.”

“It was just crazy magic. I’m not dead!”

Small boy, playing Wii, monologues, “I am so good at this game. Someone should be watching me. … Read more

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Rascal

What’s that called when you learn a new word, and suddenly you hear it in conversations everywhere? Or when you’re thinking about something, and for the entire weekend your friends mention the very thing you’re parsing out, and they seem to be struggling with another … Read more

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Reconciliation

We were talking at brunch about historical obsessions. About reading every book we could find on the Third Reich, or the Civil War, or Civil Rights, or the Labor Movement. Early Feminism and the Suffragettes. Rome. Tudor England. Those well-documented periods of heinous oppression and … Read more

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Gawk

“And then I told her to — Oh! — and then I said — I said. Something — Hot.”

“What? What just happened? Why did you interrupt yourself?”

“Did you see that girl’s sideburns? They were like hatchets.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No. They were unreal.”… Read more

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Strength

A professor told her class that she’d rather be the victim than the perpetrator. That’s one of those haunting statements I take out periodically, and turn in my hands. Strength and hardness aren’t synonyms. It’s the space between them that’s so difficult to inhabit.

My … Read more

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Mothers of boys

I haven’t known how to write about this. Several months ago, Gavin began calling me Jill rather than Mom. It coincided with his father’s remarriage and an insistence in that household of name changes all round. Given the fact that he was under pressure, and … Read more

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The delicate life of your pleasure

I have never starved myself. I’ve been unable to eat. I’ve had restricted diets. But I’ve never intentionally purged or denied my body. My control came out in other ways. The Starbursts had to be eaten in a particular order. When the pattern was disrupted … Read more

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Faux power

Mary works as an inpatient addiction counselor. This week the clients had a secret-keeping exercise. Each was tasked to write down every secret she’d kept since entering treatment. They were separated while they wrote out their lists. Usually it’s a purifying exercise. A chance to … Read more

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Small acts of rebellion

Yesterday I deleted a blog post for the first time. And, arguably, it might be wise to desist now. But, you know, I don’t understand things if I don’t look at them. Write their pieces. She didn’t ask me to delete the blog. In fact, … Read more

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